Foos Cover Rafferty’s Baker Street

And the original, in it’s original length

I’m so dispirited today

1. The Democratic party SUCKS ASS.
2. Massachusetts sucks ASS. Way to go ASSHATS. (ETA: Or, Masshats or Massholes, thanks to Lindy and J.Fred…)
3. With the inauguration of Chris “Goomba” Christie, NJ sucks just as bad, and it will impact me only a daily basis. Fuck you too NJ.
4. God is also sucking today – way to continue to kick a country that is already down!
5. I’m frustrated that all my efforts toward things I really care about seem to be coming to naught – see parenthood and motivating unmotivated children to learn, or buy in to the idea that they are the masters of their own destiny – you know, captain at the helm, the FRICKIN’ bus driver of their own life?  See my picture above the caption “example of abysmally failing at that…”
6. ETA: Also…my children’s school district can also SUCK it.  While imperfect, my kids are perfectly themselves and are not cut out by cookie cutters – they are not one size fits all. Thank you for needlessly making their lives a living hell. Really. I’m ever so grateful.

Now…before I receive a boat load of platitudes about appreciating what I have (a job, a democracy, freedom to vote, freedom of speech, not living on a fault line, children who are healthy enough to cause trouble…), just save it and let me vent, because today, it all just sucks, it’s pissing me off to no end, and I need to let it out.

I’ll work on rationalizing and feeling better about it later.

I’d kick something, but I’m wearing the wrong shoes.

Light a candle, say a prayer for Haiti

And if you can, send money to a reputable organization.  Episcopal Relief and Development (ERD) is accepting monetary donations.  This agency already has a strong presence in Haiti  and will have the resources in place to help got your dollars where they need to be as quickly as possible.  There are other organizations that are reputable, but this is one I’m using.

At times like these, I don’t even know what to pray for first as there is so much happening all at once.  So I guess I pray for endurance, for strength, for compassion, for civility, for the most effect delivery of relief and rescue efforts. May those who are in such need remember to treat each other as human beings, as they have done thus far.

And may God have mercy on us all.

I like when I can make a challenge to my kid…

…that ends up being fun for me.

J2’s long term substitute is going to have the kids log 15 minutes of reading time, starting today.  J2 reads pretty well, but, she is lazy and would rather watch a movie than read a great story.

Her tastes in stories tends to resemble mine – this is an 8 year old who likes Star Wars (all six movies), The Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, the Golden Compass, etc.  Good science fiction and fantasy stories are a favorite of hers, just like her momma.

I bought Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle In Time for her brother to read, well over a year ago, and I haven’t been able to coax him yet.

So…I challenged J2 to read it. I told her, I’ll read it with her, and if she finishes it, I’ll take her to see a movie and to lunch with Just Me as a special treat.

She started reading it last night.

The thing is, I’ve never read A Wrinkle inTime, but I know I’ll like it, and now I have an excuse to read it. Heee heee heee. Love it when that can sort of work out for me too!  My bil had gone through his boys books, and another copy of A Wrinkle in Time was among those titles, so we have two copies  in the house!

So…we shall see. At the very least, I’ll get to read something I’ve been looking for an excuse to move up the reading list for awhile.

Mental meanderings

• I’m reading those books in the side bar.  Cathedral of the Sea is for book club this month, and I’m REALLY enjoying it. It’s very good so far, and I”m about halfway through. This is one I’d recommend to those who like historical fiction, set in medieval Europe, with lots of intrigue and insight into the sociocultural, political and religious atmosphere of the time period.  Emotionally engaging read – lots of complicated relationships with all the ensuing tensions and struggles.
• Crossing to Avalon is interesting – the skeptical/logical side of me and the mystical side of me are at war over the concept of synchronicity.  What with the revelation of Jung’s madness casting a bit of shadow over his theories, my skeptical side gets engaged, but the idea of things lining up for a reason is one that rings true to me – at least anecdotally.  Some people call it the Holy Spirit, the divine, the One, the Tao, whatever…it does seem to me that unrelated, symbolic events occur, and if pondered, can be used to make intuitive connections. Then the logical/skeptical side of me kicks in and thinks…WTF? That’s all just nonsense.
• Which leads me to messing with the I Ching and tarot online. Just for shits and giggles. Interesting.
• Preparing to be a first time delegate to the diocesan convention (because, really, I just don’t have enough to frickin’ do!)
• Trying to figure out where to go with my career/vocational life, as the current one is dissatisfying. Not sure if it’s a dry spell or just a vast ancient desert.
• Ssssh..don’t tell anyone, but I really like playing Guitar Hero/Rock Band – even more than my kids, I think. I bought my own guitar! Laughs!
• Still giggling over the Jesus in the Big Lebowski. I know. I’m EASILY amused.

I don’t know why, but I’ve been thinking about Jesus and the Big Lebowski

Till it goes click…

BWAHAHAHA

I so heart John Turturro.

Mental Ew moment

E and I have been enjoying Dexter on DVD.

Yeah, yeah, I know – Story about a vigilante serial killer working as a forensics specialist for the Miami Metro police is creepy , but, we are hooked just the same. Dexter is so, well, likeable, for a creepy killer. He’s socially inept, but aware of it, and yet, so average, ordinary and endearing for a psychopath. He likes kids, he has a girl friend, and he cuts people up. Only bad people – that’s what his dad, the cop trained him to do, when he realized what his adopted son really was.

We are currently watching season 3.

Imagine my surprise, when I go on IMDB and find out that the actor who plays Dexter, Michael C. Hall, is, in real life, married to Jennifer Carpenter, the actress who plays his on screen SISTER, Deb, on Dexter.

That just, well…creeps me out more than the “is he a bad guy who does good things, or a good guy who does bad things?” aspect of the show.

Don’t get me wrong…I know they are not really related. And I love Deb – her crass, filthy mouth, just blurt it out nature tickles me just as much as Dexter’s inner commentary on his outer life, but…it’s just frickin’ WERID – talk about illusion breaking.

Anyway..just thought I’d share that thought. Carry on.

Feast of the Solemnity of Mary

Fran reminded me that today is a feast day for Mary.  In that honor, here are some prayers for this occaision, found at this web site,  church year.net.

Sub Tuum

We fly to thy patronage,
O holy Mother of God;
despise not our petitions in our necessities,
but deliver us always from all dangers,
O glorious and blessed Virgin. Amen.
3rd Century; Oldest Known Prayer to Mary

Let us pray
[in the name of Jesus,
born of a virgin and Son of God]
Father
source of light in every age,
the Virgin conceived and bore your Son
who is called Wonderful God, Prince of Peace.
May her prayer, the gift of a mother’s love,
be your people’s joy through all ages.
May her response, born of a humble heart
draw your Spirit to rest on your people.
Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen
New Saint Joseph Sunday Missal

Loving Mother of the Redeemer

Loving Mother of the Redeemer,
Gate of heaven, star of the sea,
Assist your people
who have fallen yet strive to rise again,
To the wonderment of nature you bore your Creator,
yet remained a virgin after as before,
You who received Gabriel’s joyful greeting,
have pity on us, poor sinners.
Ancient Liturgy of the Hours Prayer

Hail, Most Venerable Queen of Peace

Hail,
most venerable Queen of Peace,
most holy Mother of God,
through the Sacred Heart of Jesus,
thy Son,
the Prince of Peace,
procure for us
the cessation of His anger,
that so He may reign over us in peace.
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known
that anyone who sought thy intercession
was left forsaken.
Inspired with this confidence,
I come unto thee.
Despise not my petitions,
O Mother of the Word,
but graciously hear
and grant my prayer.
O merciful, O kind,
O sweet Virgin Mary. Amen.

Eastern Prayer Before an Icon of the Theotokos

Forasmuch as thou art a well-spring of tenderness,
O Theotokos,
make us worthy of compassion;
Look upon a sinful people;
Manifest thy power as ever,
for hoping on thee we cry aloud unto thee:
Hail I as once did Gabriel,
Chief Captain of the Bodiless Powers.

Good reads around Blogland

Just wanted to point out a couple of posts that have spoken loudly to me this past week.

If you aren’t reading There Will Be Bread, you are missing a treat indeed.  Fran (the woman formerly known as FranIAm) has several great posts up, including a few on Mary, which helped me to clarify my thoughts on the post I wrote below. Additionally, she has a post up that is a personal reaction to the new coportate cutthroat movie, Up In the Air.  This essay talks about the very non-zen way of living in the “later”, which is an affliction I often suffer from – planning what I’ll do, before I’ve even begun to notice the thing I’d planned to do, and am already doing. It has a destructive narcotic effect on life, living that way.

Fran also pointed out this EXCELLENT essay by Bill entitled “Up In the Air”: Contemporary American Culture and the First Circles of Hell.  The post basically points out how we are all complicit in the corrupt, morally bankrupt corporate way of life.  This one is provokingly honest, and, I couldn’t agree with Bill’s assessment of the situation more.

After you get your blood pressure through the roof with that post, wander over to Elizabeth’s Telling Secrets, and have your heart melted in places you didn’t even realize were frozen.  She writes about living within the pain of altered reality – the devastating impact of dealing with a loved one who has Alzheimers, and her very honest assessment of what she has to offer as a parish priest.  So very moving.  Elizabeth truly has a gift for bringing meaningful insight to these troubling life vignettes, and I say, God Bless her for it. Bring a tissue. You’ll need it.

MadPriest seems to be very busily redecorating his digs, with his much anticipated expansion of Of Course I Could Be Wrong… Despite the title of his blog, wrong is not a thing he’ll much admit to being, and that is just as it shouled be. Awaiting his new revelation with deeply bated breath, as it seems to be not qute ready.

Some parting thoughts about 2009 and recent reading material

I’ve been making my way through Jean Shinoda-Bolen’s book Crossing to Avalon.  It’s been on my shelf for a long time, and it seemed like a good thing to read after finishing up Scot McKnight’s The Real Mary, a book written to clarify Mary for evangelical Christians who might not have a proper appreciation for her and who are down right distressed by her appparent near deification by the Catholic church.

I’m a Marian, even though the story of the virgin birth smacks of patriarchy to me, and the docile Mary image we have been left with grates on my nerves, things McKnight’s book actually does a pretty good job of dispelling.  Could God have made a virgin birth if he wanted to?  Yeah, I suppose he could, but why would he?  Sex and sexuality aren’t the dirty thing Augustine supposed them to be. I find it far more likely that Joseph was Jesus father, in as much as I’m also not uncomfortable with the idea that Yeshua had brothers and sisters born of Mary’s body.  If Christ was to be human, it seems just as logical to me that he was truly human, and infused with divnity through God’s will.  But anyway, I digress.

Shinoda-Bolen’s book is a book about the Goddess and the Grail Quest.  It has some pretty interesting parallels for the Goddess and various Christian sacred sites, where the Goddess was transformed into Mary, just as Marion Zimmer-Bradley pointed out in her fictional work on the Arthurian legend from the femine perspective, The Mists of Avalon. This book moved me so strongly when I read it as a very young woman.  I have always identified strongly with Celtic mysticism. My cross of choice has been a celtic one, and Shinoda-Bolen talks about the circle in the cross being a femine symbol – an encorporation of the Goddess aspect into Celtic Christianity. Within that, my Marian affinity seems to make strong sense when I think about it.  The Docile Mary – not so much.  The Mother Mary, I identify with strongly, and when I pray for intercession through Mary, I know the power of a mother to a child, and the love for a mother for a child.  My mom used to talk about feeling drawn to Mary, because, when you are hurting, who else do you turn to but mother?  Shinoda-Bolen spends a good deal of time in this book developing the ideology behind that strong mother archetype.

You may notice that I have changed my blog header.  The image is of Persephone and Demeter – Maiden and Mother.  This past year, I have suffered pain and loss, rage, guilt and grief.  I’ve done more to uncover certain aspects of my darker side then I’ve ever done before. I’m moving from identifying with the Maiden to a stronger deeper identification with the Mother. I can create and I can destroy.  Creation I’m comfortable with – destruction – as a capacity in myself, not so much.

I still have NO idea what to do with these uncovered dark aspects of myself. They make me squirm and sometime they make me loathe myself.  I’ve unwittingly launched myself into a deep dark night of the soul.  I can no longer pretend to be the virtuous innocent girl I tried to portray myself as – I’m apparently far more complicated than that. I’m as capable of hurting others as I am of being hurt.  I’m not perfect. I’m sometimes selfish, self-centered, malicious, jealous and self-serving.  Despite a lifetime of shoving all that down, it seems, it’s all still there anyway.

However, the uncovering of a thing is a long far way from actually living with it in any amount of comfort. Hence, my dark night. I don’t know who I am anymore. I can’t go back, and I have no earthly idea of how to move forward.

I suppose the simple answer to that is one step at a time.

I’m in the forest. I’ve been Perceval the fool, I think sometimes. But on I keep moving. One day at a time.