Putting up the tree
Two weekends ago, we decided that it was time to put up the tree.
As I’ve noted here on the blog, Christmas used to be one of my most favorite times of year, and decorating for the holidays brought me much joy.
Yes, I did say, “used” to be.
Now, not so much. It’s basically become a time of an anxiety ridden neurotic push to get decorated, Christmas carded, and gift bought on top of all the other bullshit I don’t have time to do. You know, like clean my house, and go through my kids closets, fold laundry and get the bills paid on time. You know…like that stuff.
To add to the joy, when the Christmas tree goes up, Rusty and Lelia, our cats, must be locked in the laundry room each evening, so that the tree doesn’t look like it was decorated by a deranged, vindictive toddler by Christmas Eve. I mean, it’s a hanging cat toy display, or so THEY think.
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So let’s also add the joy of hunting and capturing said cats each evening, when they do NOT want to stay couped up in the laundry room, behind a hated closed door, and join me in enjoying how they conveniently “disappear”.
Then let’s do that again in the morning as I rush to get out of the house in time to get J2 to school and myself to work, because soft hearted ass that I am, I can’t just leave them locked up in there ALL the time, can I? Noooooooooo.
Can you feel the joy and excitement? Huh? Huh? Can ya?
With all that anticipatory joy in mind, my husband dragged the tree out and much discussion ensued as to where the tree should go. (Yes…we have a fake tree. My husband and I reckon this is our 17th or 18th Christmas with this tree, and it still looks pretty good, and at this point we figure it has only cost us $7.50 per year – waaaaaay cheaper than buying a real tree, with the added benefit of avoiding the needless sacrifice of a perfectly good and lovely pine tree to the secular Christmas God. And before you carry on about the smell of pine, we’ve got a CANDLE for that, so have no fear!)
The kids were enthusiastically lobbying to put the tree in front of the big picture window which would entail a total rearrangment of the already cramped living room, while my husband weakly lobbied to place it next to the entertainment center, which would require minimally less furniture re-arrangement. I just watched the volley, and when the time came, and all eyes turned to me pleading “Where do you think it should go?”, merely offered to help my husband move the furniture to get the tree where the kids wanted it to go.
My husband and I understood this to be the only way there would really be “peace” on the issue.
And then, the yearly archeological dig at the Episcopalifem household began in earnest. As the furniture was moved, various treasures and horrors harbored beneath the furniture were revealed as if they were just waiting to be discovered!
- an old dried up cat poop
- various coins of the real and play variety
- school shoes
- an old air hockey game
- old school papers
- a sticky and disgusting lolly pop remnant, which vaguely resembled the cat poop
- Halloween candy wrappers
- Easter Candy
- 1000lbs of cat hair and dust bunnies
- smelly dirty singleton socks
- a variety of working and non-working pens, markers, and broken pencils
- 500lbs of stale Doritos and cheese doodles
- a crusty Gogurt wrapper complete with mumified yogurt trail on the carpet
- assorted lovely stains on the carpet, now exposed for all to see, a direct result of the accumulation of all of the above
Yes…the very cockles of my heart were warmed as the evidence of a year’s worth of housekeeping neglect was bared in all it’s unkempt glory in the cold light of day, and further illuminated under our new colored LED Christmas lights (purchased after the old ones were tested to be in working order PRIOR to being placed on the tree, but, once ON the tree, refused to meet the demands of the contract – you know…to actually all LIGHT when plugged in).
The tree is now up in all its splendor, smack in front of the window, the furniture awkwardly and oddly arranged for the occasion, its various branches and ornaments already rearranged at the whim of various stealth attacks by the kittehs. Not to mention the lovely tinsel butt floss we’ve discovered around to further decorate the floor and cat poop. (E. calls these little treasures “pull cords”.)
Joy to the World indeed.