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Fran Commands I post this NYS Senator’s Reasoned and Empassioned Plea for Gay Marriage, and I comply!

December 3, 2009

This woman, NY State Sen. Diane Savino, speaks the words of my mind and of my heart on this issue. The fact that she is a Roman Catholic, and still saying the words I always said when I was a practicing Roman Catholic makes them all the sweeter to me.

Sen. Savino says the right for people to marry “…is NOT a political issue. It is an issue of fairness and equality.”

She goes on to reiterate that under the proposed marriage equity laws, churches will still be allowed to discriminate who they will allow to marry, as they always have been.

But the government has NEVER been in the business of discriminating which relationships are worthy of marriage, as she so aptly points out to one of her constituents as she meets him on the street. Having just met, she tells him, she and that constituent could go down to city hall, apply for a marriage license and marry. No scrutiny about the quality of their relationship, no assessment of their “marriage readiness”, no evaluation of their motivations. They can be legally married without any regard for the ethical or moral sanctity of their relationship – without any waiting period. Boom. Marriage license awarded. Legal marriage happens. That’s the government’s role.

People who are choosing to enter into a committed relationship, regardless of their genders, are no threat to marriage.

What threatens marriage? What is the elephant in the room that everyone is refusing to talk about?


All the heterosexuals out there who enter into marriage without really thinking through the concept of what marriage is or means – without thinking what it means to love within the confines of a committed relationship – without giving an iota of thought to what will happen if things go wrong – who will be hurt and all the difficulties those hurts engender, who blithely divorce to “find themselves”  –  are a threat to marriage.

Count me among the heterosexuals who didn’t think marriage through well enough if you’d like. It fits the way I’ve lived some of my married life. Some of the choices I made and the justifications/rationalizations I’ve made to myself along the way.

So if saving MARRIAGE is the agenda, what should be done?

Either make it more difficult for ALL people to GET married (by requiring some type of litmus test to prove readiness or stability or something – screen for mental cruelty, I don’t know!?)


Ban divorce (except for in the case of physical or mental abuse).


Perhaps, if it isn’t so easy to get into or out of the contract people would think before getting married. Focus less on the wedding and the extravagant party and princess for a day and would focus instead on what MARRIAGE is – how hard it is – EVEN WHEN YOU LOVE THE PERSON.

Or better yet…perhaps fewer people would GET married without being ready. Even great relationships hold struggle and challenge. Shit happens. It’s not always romantic. It’s not always sexy. It’s sometimes ugly and down right annoying. Just like life.

Of course, neither of those things are going to occur: marriage for heterosexuals will not become more difficult to obtain and easy divorce will not be banned.

And honestly, flaming liberal and individualist that I often am, I wouldn’t really want to see either of those suggestions happen. I mean /sarcasm on/ it’s our God given heterosexual RIGHT to marry, whether we are immature, selfish, mentally defective, too poor, too snobby, socially grasping or whatever!  I uphold my right to fuck up just as much as the next person.

And I know of far too many divorced people who didn’t divorce “blithely” despite the fact that they may have married for one of said fucked up reasons and who now live better lives for being able to do so – the pain of the process notwithstanding.

I just want to point out that prohibiting people from getting married won’t save the sanctity of marriage if that is what one is after.

Taking better steps to avoid/prevent DIVORCE might help protect the sanctity of marriage – if that is what one is after.

Divorce is THE threat to marriage – not allowing gays and lesbians and transgendered people to marry, and exercise their own God given right to marry for all the wrong and/or right reasons – their right to fuck up just like me, and maybe even just like you, although I speak only for myself.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 3, 2009 6:15 pm

    Thank you. I am sorry that my state senator did not vote as Senator Savino did.

  2. episcopalifem permalink*
    December 4, 2009 5:35 pm

    You are welcome Dan+. My state senator, while in NJ, would not vote this way either.


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