Ps 151?

We’ll blame this one on Paul (a.) – oh yes we will! (He’ll make noise about blaming his interim choir director, but WHATEVAH…)

To be chanted in Anglican Chant, solemnly.
Psalm 151

1. The Lord is King; thou shouldst not ever forget it.
* the Lord is King, and he can kick your ass.

2. With his right hook and his holy arm
* he can surely put out your lights!

3. The Lord is great in Zion,
* and most anywhere else you care to mention.

4. He is truly smart and knows lots of things;
* that’s how he got to be God.

5. Mess not with the Lord, neither shall ye piss him off;
* screw not around with him, for his sense of humor has its
limits.

6. Those who Fear the Lord are counted as smart persons;
* but those who do not are as dumb as a box of rocks.

7. Incline your ear to me, O Lord, and hearken to my prayer,
* for I am a devoted Anglican.

8. Heed not the prayers of those other Protestants;
* for their prayers are silly ones.

9. They ask for things such as brand new, thick red carpeting,
* and choir-robes made of unnaturally coloured polyester.

10. They cry for pew-cushions, praise-bands, audio-systems and mood lighting;
* and some have prayed to thee to have organs without pipes! (Canst thou even imagine that?)

11. But as for me, I am a tasteful Episcopalian.
* (Yea, Lord, thou knowest that was highly redundant.)

12. The services which we offer before thy throne are truly spectacular;
* one wonders that thy head does not get too big to wear thy tiara!

13. Thou takest no delight in the strumming of guitars,
* nor in the singing of ‘Kumbahyah.’

14. Yet the music of Stanford, Howells, Byrd and the like
* brings a grin of pleasure even unto thy countenance.

15. I shall offer such worthy treasures unto thee as long as I shall live,
* and not any mindless, trivial, banal pieces of crap that some would have us consider as valid music.

16. And if I should fail to keep this promise,
* thou mayest kick my ass, as referred to in verse one.

The first double chant (through verse 10) is by Herbert Howells; the remaining verses by Edward Hopkins, says Paul.

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