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Tacky Jokes told to me over the weekend

February 4, 2008

From sil:

Guy goes to the doctor for his physical. Doctor says to him, “You really need to stop masturbating!”  Guys says, “Why?” Doc says, “Because I’m trying to examine you!”

(turns on groan machine)

             *~*~*~*~*~*~*

A friend of dad’s goes hunting and gives him some venison.  Mom prepares it for the family dinner, but she and dad decide not to tell the kids what it really is until after they’ve gotten them to try it.

At the table, the kids say, “Smells different.  What is it?”

Mom: “It’s meat”

Kids: “What kind of meat?”

Mom: “Try to guess, but I’ll give you hint, it’s something I call dad all the time.”

Little Susie: “OH MY GOD. Don’t eat it! It’s an ASSHOLE!”

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 4, 2008 3:26 pm

    Little Susie: “OH MY GOD. Don’t eat it! It’s an ASSHOLE!”

    ::pffft!::

    Damn it, there goes another keyboard… ;->

  2. February 4, 2008 6:12 pm

    hahahahahaha. Thanks. I really needed a laugh today!

  3. Paul (A.) permalink
    February 4, 2008 10:31 pm

    A visit to the sick that doesn’t involve a cowlick:

    A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. ”WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?” he yelled.
    No one answered.
    ”ALL RIGHT, I’M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA’ BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN’T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON’T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!”
    Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ”Say partner, before you go . . . what happened in Texas?”
    The cowboy turned back and said, ”I had to walk home.”

    Feel better!

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