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Catching up with Bitch, PhD

August 17, 2007

Here is something that burns Bitch up, and me too.

Angry women make the least – anger has no impact on male salaries.


19 Comments leave one →
  1. August 17, 2007 2:58 pm

    If women ever allowed themselves to get truly angry about the way they’ve been treated, the world as we know it would end.

    The social structure is such that we teach little girls to swallow their anger (“Be nice!”), or they won’t be likable—and since “likable” is the coin of the realm for those not able to earn the real coin of the realm (i.e., money), it’s a powerful incentive to eschew anger.

    Then we pay angry women less, making them both unlikable and poorer—thus ensuring that they have little or no power to affect the system.

    What interests me is why women go along with this? WE are the ones, by and large, who enforce social norms…

  2. episcopalifem permalink*
    August 17, 2007 3:24 pm

    I am just as guilty of this as the next woman.

    I always feel like, “Where am I going with this?” as a lone woman fighting the good old boy network.

    If a group was put together to fight this, I would join it, but I feel small, and weak, and alone on my own.


  3. August 17, 2007 3:29 pm

    Hey, I’m feeling feisty (is that a nice word for “angry”?) right now! Let’s start one ourselves! 😉

  4. episcopalifem permalink*
    August 17, 2007 3:35 pm

    I think we already have! LOL

    Now, if I could fly you up here to fight for my raise, and we could some how menace/shame my employer into doing the right thing, that would be great.

  5. August 17, 2007 3:41 pm

    I’d be happy to employ my ClueStick ™ on all of them…

    Of course, I would demand margaritas afterwards. I don’t work for free, you know.

  6. episcopalifem permalink*
    August 17, 2007 4:04 pm

    It would be a hardship to give you margaritas, but, I guess I could do it! LOL

  7. August 17, 2007 4:07 pm

    I’m available as a bartender

  8. August 17, 2007 4:09 pm

    JohnieB—I’m afraid you would likely be disgusted with me. I like ’em frozen, no salt.

    I’ve been informed that what I REALLY like is an alcoholic Slurpee.

    My response: Sue me.

  9. August 17, 2007 4:12 pm

    Like there’s something wrong with an alocholic Slurpee?!?! Make mine blue raspberry with Absolut, please!

  10. August 17, 2007 4:57 pm

    We do enforce social norms, but we still don’t control the purse strings … or the corporate boards or the House or the Senate or the Supreme Court or the White House or (fill in the blank). So we have to be nice enough to get a majority in some of those places (and not so nice that we never get there) so that when the rest of the women rise up, we can be cheering them along instead of firing them, writing laws to put them back in their place or whatever it takes.

    But it is sort of like Michael Moore in Sicko asks about the health care system: “Why aren’t we all marching in the streets over this?”

    Hmmm… because we’re too busy doing the laundry, making the PB&J, vacuuming up the dog hair, checking the homework, carpooling to the soccer game, balancing the check book, making the (underpaid) money, driving to appointments, cooking dinner, doing the dishes, cleaning up the cat’s hairballs, mowing the lawn …

  11. August 17, 2007 8:24 pm

    Frozen, no salt: coming atcha. Alcoholic slurpees? Blue Raspberry Absolut? Another Corona, ma’am?

    That’s a vodka, right? 🙂

  12. episcopalifem permalink*
    August 17, 2007 8:34 pm

    Mmmm. Corona.

    Hit me.

    Then I’ll have an alcoholic slurpee.

  13. August 17, 2007 9:59 pm

    Ya see? This is how it happens! We’re trying to have a Serious Feminist Discussion here and they start plying us with drinks. Next thing you know, somebody will put on the B-52s and we’ll all start dancing and forget about The Patriarchal Offensive Conspiracy to Keep Ordinary Women In Near Servitude (TOPCOKWINS).

  14. August 17, 2007 10:01 pm

    Oops. That should have read The Offensive Patriarchal Conspiracy, etc. Then the acronym works. Oh, hell, forget about it and make me a margarita. Salt, unfrozen. (Sorry, Dox).

  15. August 17, 2007 10:05 pm

    That’s okay, LJ—and I’m a “cultural feminist” for lack of a better term, so I’m on to the whole “structural” thing.

    It’s just that now we KNOW about it. So why don’t we do anything about it?

    For the same reason that people aren’t doing anything about the Bush Regime’s raping of the constitution, I guess. It just seems too daunting, and–hey!–that new reality show is coming on television….

    Ugh. I’m going to go have an alcoholic slurpee now.

  16. August 17, 2007 11:43 pm

    Aaaargh. (Not the comments, the Bitch Ph.D. post. Thanks, by the way. I have her bookmarked but hadn’t read her in a while.) I think I just lowered my salary (which is very low already) by going on a rant (yes, on the first day of the academic year, but it was a good one — the rant, not the day) in a small-group faculty discussion.

    You remember the quote by Muriel Rukeyser:

    What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? / The world would split open.

  17. episcopalifem permalink*
    August 18, 2007 5:24 am

    OK…The alcohol (especially of the cyber kind) is a useful distraction against the pity that is the unfair way women are treated by society.

    And johnieB is being ever so helpful – he’s not acting like “the man” at all.

    In reality, I think the issue is what Paige and LJ state as a combination. Not enough women are in power, and those that are, are still trying to act like men, because, that’s how we are “expected” to act. The women I see who are in power often have that chip on their shoulder – it was hard for me, and fuckall if I’m going to make it easier for those who come after me (I’ve heard this come out of women’s mouths! WTF?)

    So, we don’t have much power, the power we have is somewhat dysfunctional, or not truly representative of women’s culture, and then, it’s all so overwhelming, we sit down and watch Big Brother, or Dirty Jobs ( I like Mike Rowe!), instead of working to “do” something about it.

    Take me for instance. I live in an area which boasts 1 county college, and 1 private college in a 30 minute commute. If I want to drive 50-1 hour I could add another private college and a state college. Private colleges pay like shit, and have crappy benefits. I know, I worked for one – although not an Ivy, mind you – I have no experience with that – (I could probably commute to Princeton within 75-80 mins or so…oh, and we could add another state college, a state university and another private college if I wanted to have that kind of commute).

    Right now, I work and live in the same town. My commute is 15 mins, with traffic and lights. I’m only 10-15 mins from my children’s school, and my benefits are excellent. (Pay is eh – mensa-mens).

    WHERE am I going, with two young kids? As a working mom, who is currently the bread winner, the job I have is ultimately the bests place for me, even though they aren’t going to treat me equitably in terms of pay.

    Fucked up, but, there you have it.

    And if I wasn’t working at the college, I’m not too sure how marketable my skill set is – although, I guess I could try to get a counseling job (which I do think about from time to time).

    I think this is reality for many women. We are trying to juggle being a traditional mom/wife with being super employee. Something has to give in that mix. But we stand there and bash our heads up against the wall trying anyway (OK – by we I definitely mean ME in this instance, but, I don’t think I’m alone in the pool.)

    Jane – if you are tenured, ranting is cool. I’ll never be tenured, cuz I’m an administator, and I get a yearly contract! So each year, I could be done away with. I need to learn how to rant better.

    I was raised to be “nice”. When I die, that’s what it will say on my head stone – Here lies Eileen – She was nice.

    Can you think of anything more BORING? LOL

  18. rick allen permalink
    August 18, 2007 1:28 pm

    I have to say I think “nice” gets a bad rap these days. What’s the opposite of “nice,” I wonder–nasty? abusive? cruel? hateful? I don’t know if those are particularly wonderful things.

    So this idea of feeling guilty about being nice…I just think, the things we feel guilty about! OK, some study says that angry men make more money than angry women. I would imagine the same is true for greedy men, for thoughtless men, for clueless, prestige-chasing, status-seeking men as well. So what? If what we care about is only equality, well, then, yes, if that’s our only concern, then I guess we get upset that the angry, greedy women don’t do as well as the angry, greedy men. But if what we care about are the values of the gospel, I don’t think our aims are going to be satisfied by reaching of goal of having women reach parity with the men in terms of making this a cold, cruel world.

    I more and more ask myself the question when I read these blogs, when does anger become hatred? What’s the real difference? That if someone’s “got it coming” that’s OK, that’s a healthy anger, but if they don’t, that’s hatred, and that’s not? If so, who doesn’t “have it coming”?

    This, I hope you understand, is not directed against you. It is prompted by your plea of “guilty” to niceness. It made me wonder, why feel bad about politeness, patience, tact, sympathy?

    And, if I can get just a little polemical about this, I don’t think it’s fundamentally a man/woman thing. It is an old observation that “nice guys finish last.” It’s not news to anyone. But it gives me some encouragement to realize that there plenty of people out there, men and women, who don’t sell out their humanity for that marginal buck. You seem to be one of them. Nothing to feel guilty about.

  19. episcopalifem permalink*
    August 21, 2007 7:59 pm

    Hey Rick – great thoughts. I am going to highlight this in it’s own post above, cuz I think it’s worth discussing.

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