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Don’t blame me, blame the real Doug, really.

June 2, 2007

THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.

2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6. Don’t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

7. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are missing.

11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17. Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!

18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19. Procrastinate Now!

20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27. Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28. The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30. I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Grandmère Mimi permalink
    June 2, 2007 8:16 pm

    I don’t know, Eileen, I’m trying to pick a fave here, but it’s hard, really hard. I’ll get back to ya.

    Many funnies here.

  2. Jarred permalink
    June 4, 2007 5:43 pm

    Mind if I add a few I’ve collected over the years?

    31. If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

    32. If ignorance is bliss, this place must be heaven.

    33. I’m not really rude. I just say what everyone else is thinking.

    34. Smile. It makes others wonder what you’re up to.

    35. Everyone’s allowed to make a stupid mistake every now and then, but you’re abusing the privelege.

  3. the Reverend boy permalink
    June 4, 2007 6:05 pm

    OK, I finally give up.

    Who on earth is this Doug person that you all keep referring to?

  4. Eileen permalink
    June 4, 2007 7:23 pm

    Doug, is well…Doug.

    He’s a real person, who sends jokes to Mad Priest, and sometimes to me (I was the Mad Priest sub, while Maddie was away)

    Jarred – Good ones!

  5. Dennis permalink
    June 5, 2007 1:35 am

    yes, I can confirm that Doug is real. Once I doubted but now I believe.

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