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Good sheet in my email from my Mom…

May 22, 2007

How To Drive In Jersey…
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is New-erk not New-ark.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it’s 105 or 110. Anything less is considered “Sissy.”
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second.
However, in Monmouth county, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It’s another offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these
9. MapQuest does NOT work here — none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.
10. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally activated.”

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be “flipped off” accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.
12. Do not try to estimate travel time — just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after
church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.


Pic from eastcoastwestcoast:New Jersey

2 Comments leave one →
  1. MoCat permalink
    May 23, 2007 9:03 pm

    This is hysterical!
    A lot of these rules can also apply to driving on Long Island (pronounced “Lawn Guyland”)

  2. Eileen permalink
    May 24, 2007 4:35 pm

    Hey…I gots family on Lawnguyland!

    I never see them though, because, it takes waaaaay to long to get there – from NJ!

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