This is the story of a girl…

copy-3-of-eileen.jpgThis is another blog about how a girl found God, lost God, found God again, found out it was the CHURCH which was blocking her from finding God, and how she finally made the decision to jump ship, buck the family tradition, and become a *gasp* Protestant! I know, I know…it’s to the shame of my poor Irish Catholic family. My parents are both Eucharistic ministers, and if you think they didn’t take it hard, well…you don’t know Irish Catholics.

My religion, like my politics, are progressive and liberal. I have issues with authority (I know, I know - I’m working on it!) and I’m an avid feminist. I work full-time as an administrator at a Community College, and last year, I finally finished my master’s in Counseling Psychology (a 10 year project, interrupted by the addition of two children, a boy, Jake, 9, and a girl, Jenna, 6). I’ve been married nearly 17 years, and my husband does NOT share my passion for religion, politics or argument in general. Poor guy just wants to sit on his boat in peace (not bothered by any of the messiness of family life), and here I go off the deep end and “find God”. He enjoyed me somewhat more when I was an agnostic.

I’m contemplating starting a doctoral program, or going to seminary, whichever comes first.

Please join me on my journey as I explore my new found interest in theology and progressive Christianity. So far, it’s been an exciting journey - at least for me.

36 Responses to “This is the story of a girl…”

  1. Kirstin, on June 10th, 2007 at 3:01 am Said:

    If you do go to seminary–I connected really well with the homiletics prof at General; we met at the conference in Philly last week. She’s a deeply good, warm-hearted soul, and she’s fabulous.

    Or did you not need me to nudge you? ;-)

  2. episcopalifem, on June 12th, 2007 at 11:31 am Said:

    LMAO…I would be off in a minute - except for the whole rest of my life.

    Why didn’t I hear God calling when I was 20? Why?

  3. Kirstin, on June 12th, 2007 at 8:30 pm Said:

    I didn’t. (Actually, the call at 20 was, “Do this when you’re older.” ;) Remember, I’m only a year younger than you–exactly, because we’re both Virgos. (I’m 9/16.) I don’t have kids/husband, though, so that made it much easier for me.

    East Coast distances are freakishly squished to me (obviously, LOL); how far are you from NYC? Could you financially take on that kind of debt? Is your husband more supportive than he had been? How have your own clergy/parish reflected your call? Etc… and you don’t have to answer these out loud.

    What I tell myself sixteen times a day: just keep listening, keep walking, see what doors open up.

    (((hug)))

  4. episcopalifem, on June 12th, 2007 at 8:44 pm Said:

    Aaaah…A fellow Virgo! I knew I liked you! All the cool people are born in September!

    As for the questions, I could get to NYC - it’s a little over an hour by bus or train. And the debt would suck, but, we could manage it. (I think… ;)

    Evan is no more supportive - as a matter of fact, if at all possible, he’s even less supportive. He just doesn’t get it, and wishes I go back to being someone who believes in God, but not in church. This is how he feels. And he resents the time I spend on church activities. I keep praying, and trying to talk with him when it seems reasonable.

    When I approach my rector, it was actually about the diaconate, but, she seemed to feel that priest would be more “suitable”. I haven’t talked to her about it in awhile, simply because I haven’t been able to get past the spousal block.

    So…I’m still listening…still praying…and trying to learn to walk the walk.

  5. Kirstin, on June 12th, 2007 at 8:56 pm Said:

    I wish I could help you with the spousal block. I don’t know what to tell you; it must be really difficult.

    I can listen, though. And it sounds like you’re doing everything you need to be.

  6. Kirstin, on June 13th, 2007 at 12:33 am Said:

    I have an idea…

    One of my friends in CA might be clergy by now, if she weren’t blocked–by her gender. (She lives in the Diocese of San Joaquin.) One thing that’s helped her a lot is being in touch with the seminary community. She’s taken and taught online and summer classes at CDSP, and over time has developed a support system on the campus that’s helped her deal with the reality of being called to something that she can’t immediately pursue.

    I browsed the General website quickly (http://www.gts.edu); I don’t know if there’s anything there that would be accessible and helpful to you, but there might be. In any case, the people are worth knowing. The homiletics prof I mentioned is Mitties DeChamplain. She was a friend to me in a situation when I needed a deep listener, a gentle soul, and a strong ally. If you want to talk to her and you feel silly cold-emailing, you can mention me.

    Prayers with you.

  7. episcopalifem, on June 13th, 2007 at 5:47 am Said:

    Thanks Kirsten. I really appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

    And I just might follow up and email Mitties De Champlain. You are a mensch!

  8. Kirstin, on June 13th, 2007 at 9:28 am Said:

    You are most welcome!

  9. Elizabeth Kaeton, on June 13th, 2007 at 7:26 pm Said:

    Listen - being an Episcopalian does NOT mean that you are Protestant. YIKES! You are in the via media - the middle way between Protestant and Roman Catholic, but neither one nor the other. You are an Episcopalian - a member (well, for yet another season) of the Anglican Communion.

    Cool new website. Enjoy it in good health.

  10. episcopalifem, on June 13th, 2007 at 7:42 pm Said:

    Thanks Elizabeth+!

    And about the Protestant thing..I don’t think of myself as protestant…but my parents do!

    Via Media Schmedia to them. (Me da, more so than me ma).

    I still consider myself Catholic. Kind of a dissenting Catholic…

    Oh..and and I consider myself HAPPIER this way.

  11. Kirstin, on June 13th, 2007 at 7:52 pm Said:

    Happier, is good.

  12. episcopalifem, on June 13th, 2007 at 8:01 pm Said:

    Definitely…happier is definitely better.

  13. Trudi, on June 21st, 2007 at 7:44 am Said:

    There’s a great masters of divinity program up this way… hee hee ha ha ha. Want to move to another country for a couple of years??

  14. episcopalifem, on June 21st, 2007 at 9:54 am Said:

    I’m tempted to take you up on that, Trudi.

    Evan would NOT like that. At all.

  15. PJ, on June 27th, 2007 at 1:29 pm Said:

    Your husband and my husband would get along splendidly! You look great in your picture, btw. :)

  16. episcopalifem, on June 27th, 2007 at 1:43 pm Said:

    Aww..thanks pj! That was 20lbs ago though, dammit!

    And my husband would like me to be wonder woman.

    Never making a mistake, keeping my house clean and orderly in a single bound, and cooking up a healthy storm with some brownies and cookies on the side.

    I’d like that kind of wife too. Where do you sign up for one??

  17. Catherine+, on June 30th, 2007 at 3:32 am Said:

    Geez, you’re cute! And such a joyful spirit. Don’t let anything or anyone dampen your enthusiasm for life.

  18. sharecropper, on July 3rd, 2007 at 11:06 am Said:

    Eileen, the College of Preachers in Washington has some offerings that are open to the public, and they can house you as well. You might check that out online. This would be a weekend or a week course. That might carry you through for a while. Of course, with the new job responsibilities, EFM online might be all you can manage right now. But, you have our support, love and prayers as you journey with us.

  19. episcopalifem, on July 4th, 2007 at 12:55 pm Said:

    Now Sharecropper is giving me for stuff to do! (And you KNOW i’m gonna check that stuff out!) Thanks for pointing that out to me.

  20. David H., on July 6th, 2007 at 4:57 pm Said:

    RE: Eileen’s comment #16 above…

    My wife and I often look at each other after an esp. busy day and say, “You know what we need ? A wife!”

  21. Carl McColman, on July 21st, 2007 at 7:21 am Said:

    Hi - I just discovered your blog and will be adding it to my blogroll. Based on your bio, I’d love to meet you someday - you see, we crossed the same street but going in opposite directions. I must hasten to say, however, that I didn’t bail the Episcopal Church for Catholicism because I’m a right-wing nutcase; in fact, as I’m regularly explaining to my friends, I became Catholic in spite of the church’s patriarchy and homophobia, not because of it. The two events in my life (leaving the EC and becoming Catholic) were separated by about 7 years, during which time I explored Wicca, Goddess worship, druidism, and so forth (yes, there’s a book in there somewhere). But I needed a context for my love of Jesus and Julian of Norwich and Irish Holy Wells, so I gave up on Neopaganism and I ended up joining a multi-cultural Catholic church full of people from all over the world. Wonderful breath of fresh air; I had gotten tired of worshiping with a bunch of people who look and think just like me. At any rate, your blog is both great fun and gives me food for thought; a wonderful combination. Many blessings to you, and I hope you stop by my neck of the woods sometime…

    Carl
    The Website of Unknowing
    http://www.anamchara.com

  22. episcopalifem, on July 21st, 2007 at 10:45 am Said:

    Welcome Carl - Glad you are enjoying this crazy place, and I’ll be sure to check out your site.

    God calls us where we are - I honestly believe that. My family is still RC, and, I enjoy RC worship, just not the power structure. It got in the way of my relationship with God. But, I understand that same structure works for others.

  23. Carl McColman, on July 21st, 2007 at 7:20 pm Said:

    I certainly understand about the power structure. And I’ve always felt that if the heat in the Catholic kitchen gets too hot for me, that the good ol’ EC will be a great place to land. Blessings to you!

  24. joanne, on September 8th, 2007 at 8:38 am Said:

    if you think God is calling, God probably is. I would love to sit and tell you how I played let’s make a deal with God for over two years before God finally snagged me but good. I, too, was raised RC, and chose the Episcopal Church, the via media (not Protestant!) way. And at the tender age of … well, we’ll skip that, I am in seminary at GTS.

    So, relax, listen, and let God speak. Because if God wants you, God shall have you and you shall have no peace otherwise.

    And, I fell onto your blog quite by accident looking for something else entirely! All is grace…..

  25. episcopalifem, on September 8th, 2007 at 12:50 pm Said:

    Welcome Joanne, and thank you for your kind words!

    God is calling me and I’m sorting it all out!

  26. Doc Logger, on October 6th, 2007 at 10:25 pm Said:

    I am not sure that seminary school would be good for your faith. Gawd knows, you might “hear the call” and delight your parents by choosing a life disguised as a penguin. Like most things, a formal education in anything is the surest way to kill an interest in it. (I am happy to report that I’ve never worked a day in my life in the field that added the learned letters after my name. It has saved me from a severe disinterest in the field.)

  27. Episcopollyanna, on October 16th, 2007 at 9:53 pm Said:

    I just found your blog and really like it - going to add it to my blogroll.

    I wasn’t raised in a religious background (my mom came from a Mormom-escapee background and my dad grew up in a Swedish Covenant household) so I was able to choose my own path and I’m glad I did. Anyway, way too much info, I know.

    It’s great that you’re considering the seminary - we can use more women like you. :)

  28. episcopalifem, on October 17th, 2007 at 9:37 am Said:

    Welcome Episcopollyanna! I peeked at your blog and I’ll be adding you to my blog roll as well! It’s a great read!

    I like the Anglo-Catholic angle too. I’m more of a high church type than a low church type. I like smells and bells - I like the ceremony of the liturgy.

    Glad you found your way to my wacky place!

  29. Maggie, on October 21st, 2007 at 8:56 pm Said:

    Don’t dismiss the diaconate. I’d be glad to share some of my discernment.

  30. episcopalifem, on October 22nd, 2007 at 5:08 am Said:

    Thanks Maggie.

    The diaconate is something I am considering as well. I definitely appreciate the offer to discuss your discernment.

  31. lindy, on March 15th, 2008 at 8:02 pm Said:

    Get the Ph.D.
    The minute you are ordained you loose all credibility.

  32. FranIAm, on April 9th, 2008 at 6:14 am Said:

    I guess I just never looked at this page before Eileen- I feel like I just learned so much about you.

    Despite all the compelling reasons to do so, I am not ready to bail on the RC church just yet, but it does bug the living frakin’ hell out of me at many levels. I am in a GREAT parish and place in my life right now, trying to see what bubbles up.

    Oh how I admire you though and how I pray for you in so many ways. I am deeply grateful for this amazing circle of Episcopal bloggers that I have fallen in with, what a gift.

    Sending on-going good thoughts, prayers and wishes your way.

  33. FranIAm, on April 9th, 2008 at 6:16 am Said:

    Did I ever show you this (my altar-pardon-the-pun-blog-ego) ? I am not the only author, but the primary one.

    You know how to navigate a blog, if you are so inclined read away and feel free to comment, although Fran is not I am around there!!!

    That said, my pastor has seen (and chuckled over) FranIam at various times.

  34. episcopalifem, on April 9th, 2008 at 6:56 pm Said:

    Fran - I am basically a live and let live Christian - I believe people should worship where they feel fed. I love liturgy..and there are some things I miss about RC Mass (it has a certain cadence..), but, for myself, I just couldn’t stomach Benny…I couldn’t do it. Perhaps that was cowardice on my part? I do sometimes feel like I “gave up” on the church - but it really was interfering with my getting close to God.

    I checked out your other blog, and I love it. But then..it’s from you!

  35. MamaPeg is Watching You, on May 11th, 2008 at 5:11 pm Said:

    Happy Mother’s Day, Eileen.

  36. Bosco Peters, on July 5th, 2008 at 10:28 pm Said:

    Eileen
    I can see a lot in common!
    I can’t see an email address.
    I hope you’ll visit “Liturgy”
    http://www.liturgy.co.nz
    and maybe link
    and maybe email me (contact bottom each page)

    Blessings

Leave a Reply